I Secretly Want a Nanny (And You Probably Do Too)
Sometimes I wish I was a Duchess.
Not just because of the wealth, beautiful mansions, the many servants that make life easier. Or — if you believe Bridgerton — the devoted, hunky, sexy aristocratic husband.
But because I’d have nannies and could see my children when I wanted to see them but wouldn’t have to do the actual care-work. No teeth brushing fights, no bath time tantrums, food negotiations, or power struggles. Someone else would do all this while I play with them and bond when I want to. Sending them off to their nanny when I’m done while still being adored.
Unfortunately I’m just me.
And honestly — even the fantasy of walking out the door and not coming back? Completely normal. The fantasies aren’t the problem. Getting stuck there is.
What Is the “Duchess Fantasy” — And Why Do So Many Moms Have It?
The Duchess fantasy is any recurring daydream about escaping the daily grind of mom life — the care-work, the mental load, the endless small negotiations with a tiny person who has very strong opinions about the wrong cup.
It shows up differently for everyone:
- Fantasizing about a nanny handling bath time while you read in peace
- Imagining a weekend completely alone in a hotel room
- Daydreaming about a version of your life with fewer people needing things from you
- Yes, even the fantasy of walking out the door and not coming back
All of it is normal. All of it is information.
How Do I Know When My Escapism Fantasy Is Trying to Tell Me Something?
That’s why I’ve learned to pay attention when my Duchess fantasy comes up. For me, it’s usually a sign I’m overwhelmed or discontent and I need to shift something.
Ask yourself this question: What do I need right now to feel more like that Duchess?
The fantasy isn’t the problem. It’s a signal. And signals are worth listening to.
What to Do When the Duchess Fantasy Shows Up
Step 1: Notice It Without Judgment
Don’t push the fantasy away or feel guilty about it. Let it land. It’s pointing at something real.
Step 2: Ask Yourself What You Actually Need
The answer is usually simpler than you think. It’s not a nanny or a mansion. It’s a few hours of breathing room.
Step 3: Take the Smallest Available Version of That
For me, the biggest relief is getting my parents to take my toddler for a stretch. They don’t live nearby, so it’s not a Wednesday afternoon thing — it’s more like a weekend every few months. But when it happens, I’ve learned to allow myself to enjoy the freed-up time guilt-free.
- Uninterrupted time to work on a project
- A longer workout
- Sipping my sencha tea warm
I take it and channel my inner Duchess.
Your version might look different:
- Asking your partner to take over for an hour so you can reset
- Renegotiating who carries what at home
- Putting down the laundry and sitting on the couch while your toddler plays next to you instead of trying to do all the things at once
The Question Every Overwhelmed Mom Should Ask Herself
What would make you feel a little more like that Duchess right now?
You don’t need a nanny to answer it. You just need to take the signal seriously.
Feeling Too Overwhelmed to Even Figure That Out?
If you’re in a moment where even figuring that out feels like too much, my free 6-minute calm audio is a good place to start. It won’t conjure a nanny — but it’ll take the edge off. Download here.
What’s your escapism fantasy? Let me know in the comments.
