Why Your Brain Always Finds What’s Wrong — And How to Train It to Notice the Good
I naturally lean toward grumpiness, anxiety, tension, and negativity. I walk into a perfectly nice restaurant and within about thirty seconds I’ve clocked the picture hanging slightly crooked on the wall, the waiter’s greeting that felt a little flat, and the acoustics that are just a bit too loud. Everything is fine. And yet.
That’s just how my brain works. It finds the gap before it finds the good. I’ve always been a bit like this — a low-grade lean toward grumpiness, toward noticing what’s off, toward “meh” even on decent days.
Luckily, I found something that actually helps.
What Is “Taking In the Good”?
It’s called taking in the good, and it was developed by clinical psychotherapist Dr. Rick Hanson. The idea is simple: your brain has a built-in negativity bias — and you can train it out of it.
Why Does Your Brain Default to the Negative?
Our brains have a natural tendency to notice and hold on to more of the negative in our lives. Evolutionarily, it makes sense — it matters more to remember where a lion was once seen than to know where to find sweet berries.
But in modern life, this bias leaves us feeling:
- Grumpy and irritable for no clear reason
- Anxious or tense even when things are fine
- Stuck in a low-grade “meh” — even on decent days
Why Moms Feel This Even More
For me, this got worse since I became a mom. Yes, there are sweet moments. But there’s also more negativity to get stuck in than before I had kids:
- Resentment and exhaustion
- Feeling touched out
- Never quite enough space to recharge
- The constant time pressure
- Conflicts and power struggles that leave you depleted
It’s even more important, then, to train your brain to notice all the things that are already going fine — especially the small ones.
How Does Taking In the Good Work?
We use Dr. Rick Hanson’s HEAL formula. It has three steps.
Step 1: Have a Good Experience
You notice something that’s good, or you create one. It doesn’t have to be big.
Examples:
- You’re on the playground and notice the trees around you are flowering
- After bedtime, you listen to a guided dream journey that pulls up vivid images and leaves you feeling relaxed and curious
- You take your kid to the zoo and watch how amazed they are at everything they see — and feel good for giving them that
Step 2: Enrich the Experience
You stay with it for a few seconds and let it get more intense. Turn up the volume. If it helps, name why this particular thing feels good to you personally.
For instance: You catch yourself smiling at the flowering trees, stay with that feeling for a moment, and notice it hits harder because you’ve been craving sunshine — and these are the first signs that winter is actually ending.
Step 3: Allow It to Sink In
This is about opening to the experience and letting it become part of you. A few ways to picture it:
- A sponge soaking up water
- The warmth of a hot mug spreading through your hands
- Being warmed by a fire
You intend and sense that the experience is becoming a part of you.
What Does This Actually Do for Your Brain?
You’re sharpening your awareness for positive experiences, then taking 10 to 20 seconds to open to them — letting them fill you and soak in. As you do this, see if you can feel yourself becoming a little more thankful and appreciative.
This works any time — but it’s especially useful when you’re feeling knocked off-center. If you haven’t read the previous post on your core need systems yet, that one pairs really well with this.
Once you practice this and get the hang of it, it’s a beautiful way to feel more positive emotions and to wire your brain toward noticing the good — and feeling like you already have enough.
How Do I Start Practicing Taking In the Good?
You don’t need a perfect moment or a lot of time. The next time something feels slightly good — your kid giggling, five minutes of quiet, a flowering tree — just stay with it a little longer than you normally would and let it sink in. That’s it.
