When Everything Feels Like Too Much
She cried while I brushed her teeth. She cried while I asked her to go potty. She cried while I put on her socks. She cried.
Despite my throbbing headache and sore throat, I had tried the strategies in my parenting toolbox to get us out the door peacefully: giving choices, collaborative problem-solving, gentle communication…nada. None of it worked.
It took a long hug (during which we both cried) and finding her “bear” to finally leave the house.
Walking to daycare — she was singing about stars, the moon, and “meow” in the stroller — I thought about the draining past weeks: taking turns with a nasty cold, my husband commuting long hours, my daughter doing what toddlers do.
Small things set me off, my jaw was constantly clenched, and I dragged myself through the days. I just wanted a “pause parenthood button.”
Something had to change.
How to Get Out of Mom Survival Mode (Without Pretending It’s All Beautiful)
I know you can relate. I won’t give you the “parenthood is messy but beautiful” speech. If you feel like Bridgerton’s Queen Charlotte’s exhausted assistant — except your queen is sticky and doesn’t wear wigs — it’s time to step out of chronic stress and out of mom survival mode.
Here’s what I do when I feel overwhelmed by mom life and want to stop feeling overwhelmed as a mom:
1. Reduce Immediate Demands
What can you let go of, simplify, or lower today to decrease the demands on you?
Cancel playdates. Ask for help with the kids or household. Order food. Make it freezer-pizza night. Ignore the crumbs. Skip the workout. Send the kids to the grandparents. Do whatever you can to make today easier for you.
2. Identify What’s Actually Causing the Overwhelm
Take a few minutes to get clear on what’s actually driving your overwhelm.
Usually it’s:
Added stress:
Sick family members. Extra work demands. A traveling partner. A clingy toddler phase. Holidays. Vacation prep.
Chronic stress:
The system isn’t working. Too many work demands. No help. Chronic illness. An overloaded schedule.
My overwhelm came from added stress — my husband’s commute and the cold cycling through our house. I couldn’t fix either, but identifying them helped me stop generalizing.
3. Identify Help
Can you ask or hire help?
Consider a cleaner once a week or grocery delivery. Have the grandparents watch the kids (if that’s helpful). Have a dinner swap with neighbors.
4. Temporarily Reduce Your Load (Without Guilt)
My most helpful strategy is to (temporarily) reduce.
Maybe it’s the fun class with the stressful commute. Maybe it’s lowering cleanliness standards. Many parents reduce their load when kids arrive — but then slowly add everything back on top of daily routines with toddlers.
That doesn’t work.
Look at what you can release for this season.
Caveat: If your weekly yoga class refuels you, keep it. Emotional regulation for moms depends on staying resourced and filling your cup. Even if it makes that evening a bit more stressful for everyone.
5. Set Boundaries That Protect Your Energy
Clear boundaries prevent long-term burnout.
This doesn’t mean saying no to everything. It means adding only what recharges or supports your family.
Say yes to meeting your best friend. Say no to the Botox party you don’t care about. Don’t take on extra work to people-please. Say “no” to even more stuff and toys you need to take care of.
6. Regulate Your Mind
This one is big.
I start with external structure — reducing commitments, adjusting daily routines with toddlers — but emotional regulation for moms requires tending the mind.
Mine loves generalizations:
“It’s all overwhelming.”
“It will always be like this.”
Yes, my toddler being clingy or my body feeling crappy because of a nasty cold sucks, but it’s that specific part that sucks and is difficult. Next to that sucky part, there are many manageable areas or parts of my life that are going well. Work I enjoy, friends I love, not getting into silly fights with my partner despite the stress.
Don’t let negativity pull you in. Not through cheerful and fake optimism, but by making a point of noticing things are temporary and situational. Negative events are specific and encapsulated and don’t taint everything.
In order to get beautiful flowers, you need to water them, give them the right conditions to grow, and remove the weeds. In your mind, the weeds are the negative thought patterns — like catastrophizing, generalizing, black-and-white thinking, etc.
Before collapsing on the sofa, I do a 10-minute relaxation practice. I shorten my workouts. I have a ten-minute date night with my partner at home once a week where we quickly share how we’re doing right now. I catch my mind when it goes off into overwhelm thought patterns. I name the specific area that’s overwhelming but also three others that are going well.
I tell myself five things I’m grateful for right now: I have a dishwasher that works, electricity to switch on instead of having to light a fire every night. My heart’s still beating and people I love are doing OK.
Watch your mind. Rein it in. Focus on what’s working alongside what’s hard.
7. Remember: This Is a Season
I find it helpful to remind myself that this is a season of toddler mom life.
Soon, my toddler won’t need me as much and I’ll be free to go to events I like or to keep up with a reasonably clean apartment. I hear it all the time from friends with kids slightly older than mine: you will get back some of your freedom and you’ll miss the cuddles of the early years.
You win some, you lose some.
I try to notice the sweet and special moments of parenting in this season that are there — even inside mom survival mode.
How I Shifted Out of Overwhelm That Morning
After daycare drop-off, I removed the weeds in my mind.
I literally said “stop” to the thought loops on how much this all sucked and what a s**t-crappy-mf-ing morning this was. I stopped spiraling into “this is my life forever.”
I named five things I was grateful for:
It was not raining (for once).
My cough was easing.
I had no plans tonight.
I was looking forward to eating last night’s tasty leftovers.
How cute my toddler’s song about the stars, the moon, and “meow” had been.
I took a few deep breaths in and longer breaths out. I cancelled today’s kid’s dance class, and I vowed to talk to my husband tonight about how to get through this period better.
If You’re Feeling Overwhelmed as a Mom, Read This
You’re not alone. This is a demanding time in your life.
There are things you can do about it to reduce the load. Find out what’s causing the overwhelm and help yourself and your family get through this with a little more grace.
Manage your mind. Be a good parent to yourself. Yes, parts of this season are hard. But don’t let negativity define the whole landscape. Turn your attention to what’s still good and is still working.
